Just another day at the office

Yesterday I was having lunch at the cafeteria with Elena when she started coughing. Then making strange sounds. Then pointing at her throat and turning a nice shade of purple. Having received extensive training for such cases, it did not take me long to recognize the international sign language for "I am fucking choking". I immediately took action and proceeded to punch her in the stomach, in a modified Heimlich maneuver. By then she was bent over on her chair, wheezing. She was doing everything by the book. Very exciting. Then some party pooper from a nearby table totally stole my show and started an annoying mantra of "Harder, harder, harder". He really pissed me. If you're so much better at this, you jerk, why don't you do it yourself? So he did. It worked.

So the guy helped. Big deal. I'd like to take credit for saving her life, even though she's one step ahead of me on the corporate ladder and her demise might facilitate my unstoppable ascension. I think my response to the situation was nothing short of heroically selfless.

We spent the afternoon in the ER killing time trying to figure out what was wrong with our fellow patients. Having watched many an episode of House, it's surprising we did not come up with several diagnosis of Lupus.