What's the right thing to do?
Monday, May 9, 2011
A few days ago it was a man in a wheelchair by the escalator at Grand Central. I saw him, felt like shit, walked by him, felt like shit, kept on walking, kept on feeling like shit for awhile. Today, after going to an art class for the sake of play time (it's not like I have a huge talent that I must share with the world to make it a better place) and after stopping at the Apple Chapel to buy things that I don't really need but that I kid myself into thinking they polish my image of a somewhat cool broad, I kept on walking home and there, on a corner, was an old lady, shaking, with a cardboard sign that I did not read, pleading softly "help me" .
I passed her and felt like shit. Kept on walking and the feeling kept getting stronger. Stopped. Debated whether I was a sucker being duped by some great actress with way more street smart than I will ever have or an asshole ignoring a frail old woman on a corner by herself. On mother's day. So I took out a few dollars and walked back one block, crossed 57th street, looked straight in the face of the old woman and gave her the money. Only it was not a woman, it was a man, a strangely effeminate old man. The situation was bizarre. For a moment I half expected Quiñones and the "What would you do?" team to appear. Now, I am aware I did not solve the man's problem, I know it was probably just a selfish act to feel better about myself, or at least not to feel like a piece of shit. Still, I'd like to know what other people think. Is it wrong to give? Am I enabling somebody that could otherwise help himself? Is is true that whatever you give will be spent on booze and drugs? Are they really on the street by choice? Am I contributing to the problem? Or I am just being taken for a ride by somebody who has figured out how to milk the suckers? Then again, what if it was me, or somebody I know (and hopefully care about) standing on a corner being ignored by waves and waves of people who seem to have everything I don't, who live in the world and are considered a part of it? It's the non-aknowledgment I find hard to explain away. I feel like I have to look at homeless people because I can't deal with dehumanizing them, with looking through them as if they did not exist.
Guess life is not very subtle in its messages. Just a few blocks later I passed a restaurant with a table full of food laid outside for the passersby to be tempted. Lots of french fries and the irresistible smell that go with them. And one person was indeed tempted. Another old man pushing a cart with a bag full of cans. He stood there, his eyes fixed on the food, a disturbing smile on his face. He was practically salivating. The scene felt obscene to me. That food was going to be thrown out eventually. The man was not going to eat it, no matter how badly he wanted it, how hungry he got. I passed him. Felt like shit again. Considered going back and buying him a meal. This time I didn't, and when I looked back he was starting to move again, pushing his cart. I know I can't stop for every beggar, but I also know I have way more than I need and that I could certainly stop for a few. Should I? Or should I concentrate my giving on organizations that work on their behalf? Does one person stopping make a difference? Is the mere act of stopping a compassionate act? Or is this all just patronizing crap on my part? Would my money be better spent on therapy to get rid of the guilt that comes from a Catholic upbringing? After all, had I been raised in the Prosperity Gospel I would have a completely different take on the subject.
Sent from my iPad
I passed her and felt like shit. Kept on walking and the feeling kept getting stronger. Stopped. Debated whether I was a sucker being duped by some great actress with way more street smart than I will ever have or an asshole ignoring a frail old woman on a corner by herself. On mother's day. So I took out a few dollars and walked back one block, crossed 57th street, looked straight in the face of the old woman and gave her the money. Only it was not a woman, it was a man, a strangely effeminate old man. The situation was bizarre. For a moment I half expected Quiñones and the "What would you do?" team to appear. Now, I am aware I did not solve the man's problem, I know it was probably just a selfish act to feel better about myself, or at least not to feel like a piece of shit. Still, I'd like to know what other people think. Is it wrong to give? Am I enabling somebody that could otherwise help himself? Is is true that whatever you give will be spent on booze and drugs? Are they really on the street by choice? Am I contributing to the problem? Or I am just being taken for a ride by somebody who has figured out how to milk the suckers? Then again, what if it was me, or somebody I know (and hopefully care about) standing on a corner being ignored by waves and waves of people who seem to have everything I don't, who live in the world and are considered a part of it? It's the non-aknowledgment I find hard to explain away. I feel like I have to look at homeless people because I can't deal with dehumanizing them, with looking through them as if they did not exist.
Guess life is not very subtle in its messages. Just a few blocks later I passed a restaurant with a table full of food laid outside for the passersby to be tempted. Lots of french fries and the irresistible smell that go with them. And one person was indeed tempted. Another old man pushing a cart with a bag full of cans. He stood there, his eyes fixed on the food, a disturbing smile on his face. He was practically salivating. The scene felt obscene to me. That food was going to be thrown out eventually. The man was not going to eat it, no matter how badly he wanted it, how hungry he got. I passed him. Felt like shit again. Considered going back and buying him a meal. This time I didn't, and when I looked back he was starting to move again, pushing his cart. I know I can't stop for every beggar, but I also know I have way more than I need and that I could certainly stop for a few. Should I? Or should I concentrate my giving on organizations that work on their behalf? Does one person stopping make a difference? Is the mere act of stopping a compassionate act? Or is this all just patronizing crap on my part? Would my money be better spent on therapy to get rid of the guilt that comes from a Catholic upbringing? After all, had I been raised in the Prosperity Gospel I would have a completely different take on the subject.
Sent from my iPad
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